And the conversation, although taking many different paths, boils down to something like this: I'm arrogant, annoying, opinionated, stubborn,  argumentative, crude, tactless and sometimes painfully embarrassing to be around. They say this, these friends of mine, with trepidation (some — others do it with zest and joy), and not a little anxiety about my possible reaction. They fear many things: an explosion of rage, cursing them for having the utter insanity to utter such things; perhaps a breakdown, sobbing uncontrollably that I am so sorry, and for them not to leave; maybe a defiant argument, trying to logically prove why I am not any of these things, and my "friends" have topped up their particular bullshit tank.

My normal response, therefore, comes as something of a shock. "I know!" I cheerfully say, and chase off after whichever shiny object is next capturing my sporadic attention.

This causes a lot of confusion. This is not the response expected of a logical human being. This is not how we operate here on good old planet Earth. He knows? How can he know? If he knew, would he do it?

The answer, my friends, is a simple yes. I have what I can only describe as a love/hate relationship with myself. I am well aware of my flaws, of which there are more than a few. I am stubborn, argumentative, crude and embarrassing –  and to be honest, these are some of the defining characteristics of which I am most proud

Help me out here, people! How does one attain this? I am full of nothing but negativity for myself and my abilities — and I love it! I am a huge narcissist! I love myself almost unconditionally! When people flinch from the harsh and sometimes completely uncalled-for things I say, there is a swelling of pride in my chest. I know too well that I look like Howdy Doody after a bender, and I think that's kickass. I realize my singing often makes people wince, and so volunteer first to go up for karaoke. I argue almost exclusively with people who think I'm unreasonable in my arguing, and love that they are so frustrated. People wince when I open my mouth — and I live for it.

So tell me, people who have managed to get past this point — what is it? How can one person be a self-loather, as well as a narcissist.  Other people have negative flaws as bad as mine, and people shun them…why do I get away with it? My friend Kurt has given me one of his only compliments when he laid upon me the knowledge that I "pull it off better" than others. But it remains a mystery to me, why I don't bother to defend myself from these vicious allegations, and instead, wallow in my crapulence, to coin a phrase.

Any thoughts?